Sex is different after stroke - but you don't have to give up on it
It's been a while since I've posted here. Blame the general daily difficulties that come with being a stroke-survivor, the health issues which can raise their unattractive heads at any time, plus a realisation that I was probably doing too much, something which I tell other people not to do, of course.
All these meant something had to be put on the back-burner and this, plus another blog I write about naturism, was an obvious candidate to give way. But one of the stroke-survivor charities I support, Different Strokes (differentstrokes.co.uk) is running a campaign this month to highlight the issue of sex and relationships after stroke.
Obviously, it's an important business, especially for the 'younger' stroke-survivor and their partner/carer who may be struggling to process the fact that their sex-life as they knew it is over, probably for good. I am indebted to DS for the worrying statistic that 42% of people report a negative change in their relationship with their partner after a stroke.
Personality changes (as I have previously said here, libido can rocket or collapse or change focus after a stroke), money worries, the fact that a man may now become dependent on his wife/partner and lose his role as the breadwinner - all these can affect a relationship. Too many couples just give up and talk about something else for the rest of their lives. It takes determination, spirit and a special sort of togetherness for a couple to decide that they want to keep their sex life going and to agree on what that will look like.
Because sex isn't easy to talk about, especially if it's something 'a bit out of the ordinary.' It took me months to summon the courage to approach Mrs SS about getting into mild fetish and using some quite extravagant sex toys. But the alternative was giving up. I suffer erectile dysfunction because of the stroke and the cocktail of medication that keeps me alive, so masturbation isn't easy. We've had to realise that in our mid-50s, things will take time and a little lubrication might be needed. But when we both still have a very healthy interest in sex and in keeping our relationship going, we are inevitably going to have to get creative.
So a nude hug for five minutes in the bathroom or bedroom has now become an essential part of our morning routine. We have been naturists for years, so being naked around the house and getting comfortable with how we look has become more important than ever. It also means we don't have to fumble around undressing, of course - I was useless with bra-straps even when I had a fully-functioning left hand!
I started this blog as much to help Mrs SS and I as to help others. By writing down our experiences and how we are dealing with the issue, I hoped to give us encouragement to try new things. In the last few months, we've started down that road. Some things have been good and we will keep doing them, others have been in the ''tried it, didn't like it, won't do it again' category. But you never know unless you try and life as a strokie has taught me that life is about experiencing things while you can. Sexual experiences are a very important part of that.
All these meant something had to be put on the back-burner and this, plus another blog I write about naturism, was an obvious candidate to give way. But one of the stroke-survivor charities I support, Different Strokes (differentstrokes.co.uk) is running a campaign this month to highlight the issue of sex and relationships after stroke.
Obviously, it's an important business, especially for the 'younger' stroke-survivor and their partner/carer who may be struggling to process the fact that their sex-life as they knew it is over, probably for good. I am indebted to DS for the worrying statistic that 42% of people report a negative change in their relationship with their partner after a stroke.
Personality changes (as I have previously said here, libido can rocket or collapse or change focus after a stroke), money worries, the fact that a man may now become dependent on his wife/partner and lose his role as the breadwinner - all these can affect a relationship. Too many couples just give up and talk about something else for the rest of their lives. It takes determination, spirit and a special sort of togetherness for a couple to decide that they want to keep their sex life going and to agree on what that will look like.
Because sex isn't easy to talk about, especially if it's something 'a bit out of the ordinary.' It took me months to summon the courage to approach Mrs SS about getting into mild fetish and using some quite extravagant sex toys. But the alternative was giving up. I suffer erectile dysfunction because of the stroke and the cocktail of medication that keeps me alive, so masturbation isn't easy. We've had to realise that in our mid-50s, things will take time and a little lubrication might be needed. But when we both still have a very healthy interest in sex and in keeping our relationship going, we are inevitably going to have to get creative.
So a nude hug for five minutes in the bathroom or bedroom has now become an essential part of our morning routine. We have been naturists for years, so being naked around the house and getting comfortable with how we look has become more important than ever. It also means we don't have to fumble around undressing, of course - I was useless with bra-straps even when I had a fully-functioning left hand!
I started this blog as much to help Mrs SS and I as to help others. By writing down our experiences and how we are dealing with the issue, I hoped to give us encouragement to try new things. In the last few months, we've started down that road. Some things have been good and we will keep doing them, others have been in the ''tried it, didn't like it, won't do it again' category. But you never know unless you try and life as a strokie has taught me that life is about experiencing things while you can. Sexual experiences are a very important part of that.
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