More than one way to........

In my last blog, I talked about how my wife and I had begun to substitute regular oral sex for penetrative sex, once it became clear that my stroke had made the latter more difficult and less satisfying.

We also found another route to bedroom fun which we had never before considered - the world of sex toys. When I could produce a decent erection, buying a dildo or vibrator never entered our heads. After all, why would we need a plastic substitute for a penis when I could deliver the real thing in seconds?

But as my hard-ons became less reliable and less sustainable (and any man will tell you that there is nothing, well, deflating, than to lose an erection while you are inside your partner), we decided to see what was available to help us. Yes, it meant overcoming our embarrassment and entering our local branch of a well-known High Street chain,  but our life had changed in so many ways post-stroke that we no longer cared about new experiences and getting way outside our comfort zone.

And that first shopping trip was a success. We came away with a small vibrator, about 4ins long and purple in colour. It was battery-operated (we had plenty of those at home, thanks!) and small enough to sit in a toilet bag. The idea of buying a small one first was that neither of us would be intimidated. I didn't want something which would leave me feeling even more inadequate; my wife didn't want anything scarily large.

We bought it home and used it that very evening. It was small enough that I could use it alongside my tongue and fingers on my wife. It would slide in to her so easily that I could continue licking and stroking while it buzzed away satisfyingly next to my tongue. It quickly made her wetter than I could have done by using the real thing and it added to the feeling, which we had already discovered, that I could perform oral sex for hours, while penetrative sex lasted a few minutes at most.

And she loved using it on me. Running it up and down my shaft quickly ensured some sort of erection, at least, while rubbing it across my sensitive glans had me screaming with delight.

The small purple vibrator quickly became a key part of our new sex life. We kept it in a drawer by the bed, close enough that either of us could reach for it if we wanted. We used it almost every night, whereas penetrative sex had become extremely rare before our purchase.

We enjoyed it so much that we now have two more vibrators, each much larger than the first. On occasions, we use two; one on each other and alternating between us. Nipples, my balls (especially my balls!), across our stomachs, around our buttocks - just about everywhere can become an erogenous zone with a vibrator.

We cover them in lubricant, producing a sensation of genital wetness that standard penetrative sex simply can't replicate.

As far as we are concerned, every home should have at least one dildo or vibrator. Online shopping now means you don't even have to go over the threshold of a High Street shop, of course (although it is always useful to see what you are getting before you buy). We keep ours in a box under the bed, together with a satisfyingly-large collection of sexual gels and lubes to keep the fun flowing.

As with most things post-stroke, we've had to think outside the box. We would never have contemplated sex-toys until this happened - we felt we didn't need them. But faced with either no sex life or thinking differently, we chose the latter course. We're glad we did - and we would urge others in our position to do the same.