The benefits of honesty - and a full and frank debate

It's well-known that having a stroke affects your libido. I've mentioned several times already in this blog how sex-drive can go dramatically up or down, depending on which area of the brain has been affected.

I've also admitted that mine has gone up drastically. This week, I was confronted with the consequences of that. Not only has my sex-drive increased, it's also changed. Changed to the point where my biggest sexual fantasy involves taking part in homosexual oral sex.

Yes, sucking a penis and having my own cock sucked to orgasm by another man. For someone who has been resolutely heterosexual throughout his life (and loves heterosexual oral sex), this is quite a revelation.

But what to do about it? Gay porn sites don't do it for me and anyway, anything on the internet which involves sex comes with an element of risk. I am fortunate enough to have a female friend who is a stroke-survivor who has enjoyed a similarly drastic upswing and change in her libido. Since her stroke, she has experimented with webcam sex and sexting and since making contact through a Facebook group for stroke-survivors with sex issues, we have discussed our respective situations in explicit detail.

I told her about my cock-sucking fantasy and as the conversation developed, she sent me a picture she was recently sent by someone she knew. It was of him rubbing his circumcised penis, which must have been at least seven-and-a-half inches long, to erection. Instantly, I wanted it in my mouth. I wanted to rub my tongue around it, suck his balls, have him cum in my mouth and for me to cum all over him.

I told her so and asked her to let him know - I think she has. I went to bed that night with his picture in my head - it's still there and will remain there. But was that to be the extent of my fantasy? I began working up scenarios where I could actually suck a real-life penis. I plucked up the courage to tell my wife about my fantasy and to my happiness, she was a whole lot more understanding than I expected. We got online and purchased two dildos, incorporating them into our next sex session with my wife rubbing herself to orgasm while I enjoyed oral sex with the dildo.

But how far to take this? I see a neuropsychologist as part of my regular post-stroke reviews and I plucked up the courage to mention it this week. I wasn't surprised that he wasn't surprised about my changed libido, but he 'very, very strongly' cautioned against taking it to the point of actually seeking out real homosexual oral sex. He pointed out the risks and noted that a better course would be continued frank discussion with my wife and probably getting a sex-therapist involved.

Since my meeting with him, a first tentatively-frank discussion has happened. It feels as if a wall has been broken down. What happens next? Who knows. But I do know that this is all about the power of conversation. I've mentioned it to my female friend, my wife and now a senior medical professional.

I could have done none of those things, resorted to prostitutes or worse, put my marriage or health or both at risk.

By discussing it, I've opened up possibilities. And discussion of explicit issues for the benefit of those who may be struggling with them is what this blog is all about