The Sensual Strokie

I began this blog primarily as somewhere to help stroke-survivors who still wanted a sex-life; those whose libido had gone up as a result of their stroke, but also those who didn't want to let go of the sex-life they had previously enjoyed; those who didn't want to let the words 'stroke-survivor' overwhelm their marriage or their relationship. But I also did it for me and my wife; I was that survivor who didn't want to let go. And over the last few months, writing this blog has helped us massively. It has introduced us to new ways of thinking, new ways of enjoying and appreciating our sexuality. I think the most important thing it has done is helped us realise that the 'bouncing-off-the-walls' penetrative sex we had when we first met in our mid-20s is no longer possible, or even appropriate. Lives move on, we are different people now, we've had different experiences, our sexual abilities and tastes have changed. So does it matter that I can't a...

As I write, Britain is in the grip of that rare meteorological phenomenon, more than one day of warm sunshine. The temperature was in the high-70s yesterday and today and unless the forecasters have it spectacularly wrong, it will be tomorrow, as well. In this country, that counts as an extended warm spell. And it's undoubtedly true that in warmer weather, people's thoughts turn to sex. We tend to wear less clothes (or if you are naturists, like my wife and I, wear none at all) and however the more old-fashioned type of naturist wants to think of it, wearing less/no clothes does turn the mind to sex. And warm weather raises the spirits of a stroke-survivor, as well. I'm on a regular dose of blood-thinners, which reduce the probability of dangerous blood-clots forming but which also have the effect of reducing blood-temperature. I have been known to sit in our favourite pub in a scarf and thick coat at the end of May, when the weather wasn't that cold. It's not c...

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I had decided to discuss sexual fantasy, specifically my cock-sucking fantasy, with my wife. I did so with some trepidation but I chose to do it because none of the alternatives (gay porn, prostitutes, going behind her back in some other way, living with my unfulfilled fantasy festering in my mind), were remotely attractive. As I said in my previous post, the result was a positive conversation which has, for the moment at least, enhanced our sex life in plenty of ways. I never imagined my wife would be comfortable with me buying and using two dildos and those dildos becoming a part of our mutual sex play. I never imagined my wife being comfortable doing some of the things she did to me with those dildos last week. But then, I hadn't asked previously. I was having this discussion on Sunday with another sex-mad strokie. She commented that some strokies are afraid of opening that door with their significant other, thinking that they might think d...

It's something of a truism to say that having a stroke changed my life in lots of ways. It ended my career much earlier than expected, it nearly killed me, it almost ended my marriage BUT.....It gave me a whole new circle of friends, a new reason to enjoy living, something to do with life and a willingness to try new things. "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got' is one of the great truisms of life. It's supposed to be the definition of insanity. It's one of the first things I learned about life post-stroke. I'd been given a second chance, so I needed to grab it by the balls, so to speak, making the most of every opportunity life gave me. One of those opportunities was the chance to write this blog. Before my stroke, the idea of trying out new sexual ideas and going public (albeit anonymously) about them in a blog would have been one of the furthest things from my mind. But it's all part of the same mindset ...

When I sit down once a fortnight to write this blog, I do so with the assumption that my readers have gone past the point of being satisfied with 'ordinary' penetrative sex. That might be because the effects of a stroke have made penetrative sex difficult or impossible, or it may be because they are no longer satisfied with 'just' having penetrative sex. It may also be because they and their partner have 'grown past' penetrative sex and are looking for something more in their relationship. As someone pointed out to me this week, the 'bouncing off the ceiling' sex we enjoyed in our twenties is probably neither possible nor appropriate when we are in our 50s, whether we have had a stroke or not. Too many of us, men in particular, wish we could go back to those days - the days when we could call up a nine-inch erection on demand, when we could cum four times a night, when we could change positions every half-hour and still have a screaming orgasm. But w...

One of the most common reasons for a married couple's sex life to collapse is that 'we just don't have time.' Particularly when bringing up children or trying to sustain two careers, couples often find that sex comes a distant third to those two. Having children in the house, even on the other side of a locked bedroom door, can kill libido while the stress of work often means one or both of you are too tired or stressed for sex. My wife and I found this when we were both working. Get home at 6.30pm, cook and eat the evening meal, wash up, collapse in front of the TV, go to bed (facing away from each other), fall asleep, wake up at 6am, get up, work, repeat ad infinitum. It doesn't take long for sex to become 'one of those things we used to do years ago, before life got in the way.' And then it becomes a case of 'use it or lose it.' The less sex you have, the less interested you are in having sex. At which point, too many couples give up complet...

I have great regard for people who are honest about their sexuality and their sexual preferences. My approach to sexuality has always been that as long as it involves consenting adults, I don't really care what other people get up to. It may not be something that I want to try, but I completely understand that we are all wired differently, especially stroke survivors, so it's not for me to impose my sexual preferences on you, or to express outrage at your sexual preferences. Consequently, I am friends with plenty of lesbian and male gay couples and while I could never do male anal sex (I think.....), I am not going to think any less of you if that's what floats your boat. I am very good friends with people who have been involved in swinging for many years; again, it's not for me, but I'll fiercely uphold your right to do it yourself. Until recently, however, I'd never come into contact with anyone who was involved in polyamory (defined in the Cambridge E...