So what CAN you do?

It's been nearly four years since I suffered my life-changing stroke. When I recovered from the initial shock, stopped obsessing about how I had almost died and began to realise that from now on, life would be different - not worse, but different - my wife and I began to reassess our sexual relationship.

Regular penetrative sex with me on top was probably off the agenda. My legs didn't have the stamina to thrust, I couldn't maintain enough of an erection to make it worthwhile and the fact that I was worrying about not getting an erection made it even more difficult to get an erection. That was one way in which my brain was still working.

Yet we both wanted a good sex life, I could say that my interest in sex had actually increased considerably; so what were the alternatives?

Well, the fact that we have been naturists for 25 years helped. We weren't ashamed of our naked bodies and we were comfortable being nude in front of each other, so we would kiss, stroke and cuddle each other in the nude without it necessarily having to lead to sex. If it did, great; if it didn't, we weren't going to beat ourselves up about it. We learnt the skills of sexual massage - rubbing, kissing and stroking each other in the right places.

We also discovered a mutual love for oral sex. We began to shave each others' pubic hair to make the whole process smoother (in lots of ways!) and my wife became more adept than ever at masturbating me - fondling, licking and stroking her hands and tongue up and down my penis and balls until I came. I often came quite quickly when she swirled her tongue around the head of my cock, because there was no pressure to maintain a strong-enough erection for penetration.

Meanwhile, I would run my tongue around her bare pussy lips, occasionally pushing it into her vagina but mainly concentrating on getting her wetter and wetter.

The wetter she got, the easier it was for me to find her clitoris and bring her to orgasm; She would grasp the back of my head and push it closer to her, so that my tongue and lips were inside her.

Despite my propensity to suffer chronic bouts of stroke fatigue, I found that I could keep this up for a remarkably long time, until her juices covered my face and she came herself.

And this was good enough for us. There was no pressure on me to have an erection because my tongue and fingers were doing all the work, there was no excessive physical exertion which may have put strain on my heart or my brain; I know lots of stroke-survivors who worry about resuming sex because they fear physical exertion could bring on another stroke, especially if they were having sex at the time of their first stroke.

And it actually became fun to rush to the bathroom and wipe semen and lady-juice off each other, then stumble excitedly back to bed and fall asleep in each other's arms. We were still having sex, in fact we were probably enjoying sex more often, we were just doing so in a different way.

In the next post, I'll look at another way in which our sex life changed. 

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